i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
