then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
