do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
