he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
