Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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