Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
