I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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