Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
