Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
