I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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