I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
