and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
