You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
