I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
