smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
