he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
