you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
