dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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