i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
