i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
