Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
