my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
