I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
