Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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