i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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