Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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