Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
false alarm, still single
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
