I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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