thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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