I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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