My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
