It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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