The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
