All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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