I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
