Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
