I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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