need another drink. this is the easiest way
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
