the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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