So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
