Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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