the condom got lost in my hair
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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