i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
