What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
