I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
