My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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