Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
