what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
