my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
