u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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