In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
